bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
