You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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