i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
