I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
