You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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