My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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