I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
