So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
