I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
