I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
