it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
