all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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