I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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