i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
