Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
