I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
