last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
