PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
