so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
