I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
