whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
