I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
