Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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