He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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