There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
