dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
