my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
