I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
