Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
