pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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