Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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