why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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