I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
