5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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