Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
