What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
