Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
