i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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