Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
