I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
