We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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