I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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