Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
the liver wants what the liver wants
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
