i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
