3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
