No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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