Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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