I just threw up on my dentist
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
