Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
