god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
