I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
