So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need moral support for this bender
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
