Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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