I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
