she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
