Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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