I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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