i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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