why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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