I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
