So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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