The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
