Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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