she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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