How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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