Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
