Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize