I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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