Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
