I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
