You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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