Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
