I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
