You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize