It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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