what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
