my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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