today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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