The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
