Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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